Contentment

Why do we spend our lives in contentment and comfortable situation when we do not feel fulfilled? We make excuses out of fear of the unknown. We settle, and push our wants and needs aside until we no longer recognize ourselves anymore. Only the mask we show to the world that keeps us safe and in our bubble.

How much happier would we be if we dropped the mask, was completely outspoken and didn’t settle for comfortable? When did we stop dreaming bigger? When did we settle for feeling stuck? Slowly watching as our smiles fade to nothing and our hearts barely beat in our chest?

We hold back on telling the ones we love that we love them for fear of rejection. We settle for being the back up plan or second choice because it’s better than not being anything at all. Why let all these things define us to begin with? How many people out there in the world don’t even truly know what love is or mistake love for what is familiar? We spend years in bad relationships hoping it will change. We spend endless years with so called friends that are never there for us when we need but the moment they need you they are there.

Instead of just saying I’m done or I can’t do this anymore we say I’m fine and it’s okay. When really we need to say no I won’t settle for contentment, I want to feel the rush of being scared, I want to face that fear and come out better and stronger than I was before. I want to live. I want to feel alive and NOTHING is going to stop me from chasing that.

Lost

I can’t tell you what I’m doing with my life because the truth is I have no idea. I can’t tell you what it is I want to be or who I am because in my minds eye it’s so bleak.

I’ve been lost for so long that I have no clue how to be found and every time I try I get more lost along the way. I don’t know what it is that I like or love anymore. How can I when all I feel is hollowness inside my soul.

My days are not bright and filled with color from the sun rise. They are as dark as a black out in the city. I’m cold and alone in this world. I’m lost out to sea wondering which way the wind shall carry me.

Everyone is trying to save me, holding out their hands in desperation for me to take it, and all I wonder is how long before they give up and leave me to my emptiness. I don’t know how to put into words how I feel so that any of them can understand.

The world is dull. Moments pass by that I try to grasp at with failing results. I’m on autopilot, wondering when the spark will ignite once again.

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