When reality bites

When reality bites, it bites fast and hard. It doesn’t care where you are or what you are doing. You can ignore it, you can run away from it but eventually it’s right back in your face and you can’t escape it. I once had a job that I loved, I had a supervisor that I appreciated, he knew the value of a person’s time. Then things slowly started to fall apart. I slowly started to lose who I was. The job I once loved and looked forward to became a place I dreaded. The fake people that surrounded me night after night. The higher ups who showed their favoritism to others but harassed the ones they felt “didn’t do a good job”

Going through a tough time can truly make you open your eyes to things around you that you choose to overlook day to day just to get by in this world. So I tried to adjust myself to my surrounding. I became someone I don’t know to survive, I made mistakes, ones that even though I learned a lesson from I still carry with me to this day. I moved on I grew and had many ups and downs over the years.

And then I found myself in a bind, and once again I accepted less than I deserve. I went back to a job that didn’t value me, to never be introduced to my supervisor, I was pushed off onto someone else, and then I got an eye roll, and not properly trained, a here how it’s done once and there you go. I kicked fucking ass too. But training paperwork, books no where in sight. I asked myself as I pulled into the familiar parking lot what the fuck am I doing back here again?

I’m better than this. It whispers in my head everyday but other’s opinion of me matter and I have to prove them wrong as well, right? Can’t give up, just keep on keeping on. How often in life do we do this? Settle. How many of us feel as though we have life all wrong because we don’t have anything figured out? We don’t even get to fully live because we don’t even understand anything other than to settle.

Reality is, life is a bitch and it’s going to drag you through the mud, people will have their opinions of you and guess what their opinions of you DON’T FUCKING MATTER, the only opinion that matters is your opinion of yourself. Don’t fucking settle. Stop going back to go forward. Trust that God has you. He didn’t take you from that shitty job you wouldn’t leave because you deserved it, no he let it go because he knew you deserved more than that job had to offer.

Why are we slaves to our lives? Why do we care what societies standards are? Because they make us better? Really? All they care is if you follow and like what they follow and like. No I won’t be the same person… I’m better than that. I’ll do it right this time but damn why didn’t I see this before? Why couldn’t I believe in myself the way I do now? Or maybe I did but somewhere after I lost that confidence I had, and went back to something that literally drains not only my energy but slowly rots your spirits as more time passes and I’m just now realizing it. I’ve outgrown who I tried to be. I am who I am now.

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