She was use to it

She was use to being used for a period of time, and then tossed to the side. She grew numb to the feelings of distance that seemed to come every time she just started to be come happy. She was use to the lie, and not being worth the truth. She was use to caring more for others than they did her. She was use to giving her all and getting nothing in return. She became use to feeling alone and not wanting to even try. She was use to getting ghosted over and over again, and mostly she was use to losing the ones she loved. It was her life, and she would keep going with the faith that maybe one day she could finally say it was all worth it.

He told her she was strong enough, a tough cookie, and that he believed in her. She believed in him. And through his eyes she could see herself. Fear overwhelmed her. Insecurities overtook her. Replaying old conversations in her head wondering if she had missed all the signs, or just simply over looked them, because when she needed him most, he wasn’t around, no where to be found, and once again she was use to it. Her heart was big, but her heart was broken and shattered. People warned her she would get hurt and she didn’t listen. She closed her ears and listened with her heart and soul, and then the conversation became more and more distant. It felt like the further she reached for him the further away he moved, until she gave up reaching out. Knowing she would once again leave a piece of herself with someone and never get it back.

The lessons he taught her would stay. Not a bad word would come from her mouth. Because she was use to it. She wasn’t with the truth, the knowledge, so she slipped silently away and let him be happy without her, hoping he would hold on to his smile and laugh, even if she cried herself to sleep. Maybe one day he would return and it would be as if no time had passed, but until then all she could say was she was use to it.

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