What cancer is

Pictures i took to show her how much hair she had lost.

I’m going to open up about something I haven’t yet. This is what cancer is…. this is what happens when a person chooses to fight and go through chemo and radiation… it’s the point where the person dealing with cancer comes to the realization that everything they once were is gone. It’s facing the reality that one day you could die from it. It’s sleepless nights Bc you can’t breath good enough, it’s having to rely on others because you have absolutely no strength. No strength to get up and make a simple meal, but wishing you could because just a few months ago you had the strength to do it, it’s not having the strength to get up and walk even just a couple of steps and still fighting everyday for not yourself but your daughter, your son, your granddaughters and grandsons, your nieces and nephews, your brothers and sisters and your own mother. How can you come to terms with the fact that one day you won’t be there for any of them? Everyone asks me how my mom is doing…. I will tell you she’s doing good… truth is she hates cancer, she gets mad, she gets frustrated, she gets sad. She talks about her dying. Some days are good and we laugh and joke, but most days she has very little to no energy. She’s one of the strongest women I have ever known. Having a first hand in taking care of her is hard, truth is we are both getting use to the new person she is and letting go of who we once were is a hard thing to accept. But I see strength in her everyday. I choose to be here, to help her, to love her through all of the struggles and battles we have faced and will face. I WILL NOT ABANDON HER. I will be her strength when she is weak, I will hold her and kiss her and tell her I love her everyday that I have with her, I will hold no regret for helping her fight for as long as she can. I have said many things, and done many things to her and she to me, but all of the past doesn’t matter, we will grow together and cherish the good times and let the bad go. The woman who use to have to do her hair and make up before she would go out is no longer there, her hair is cut short as she allowed my daughter and son to cut the remainder of hair she had left, and as for make up well she never puts it on now. But then again she’s never needed her hair or make up to be beautiful, because she has always had and will always have a beautiful heart and soul. So for those of you who have fought and overcome cancer I amend you and applaud your bravery! And for those of you who are fighting still, I pray you have the strength you need to not give up, and for those who have lost their battle, I pray that you found peace, you were strong, brave, and beautiful, now it’s time to help another be strong from heaven. I love you mom with all my heart and I want you to know you are a superstar for all you have gone through in life and always find a way to still smile, to still laugh, and to still push forward!

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