Stay or run

I wonder if anyone will ever truly know me. Not just the part of me I let them see, but all of me, the whole me, the scarred, broken, damaged, pieces, that I try to hide from myself, the demons that I fight that I don’t really tell people about. How many people would I lose then? Would I be alone then? If I took of the mask that everyone has for me and let them truly see me for me? Sometimes I just wish I could let my guard down, have one safe place to go, but I know that safe places eventually burn to the ground. I would bet that most wouldn’t be able to tell my real smile from the fake. It’s quite sad actually how we all see only what we want, and we tend to shy away or run from what makes up truly happy, I know I do, all the damn time, in my head I’m telling myself it’s better this way, keeps anyone from getting hurt right? But when running from something you know you want even if it could be disastrous in the end, doesn’t that hurt more? Why do we fear so much that we do or say things that push ones we care about away? Why do we shut ourselves down from feeling anything at all? All these questions… I know, because I shut myself down a long time ago. When it comes to anything like that I’m just no good at it. Hahah. I’d rather run in the opposite direction than live in fear of the sad reality that I may lose someone if I let them in all the way and they did decide to stay.

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